@hyearout you still have the 'so what' hanging off the end. Make the thesis more relevant.

@SavannaH the thesis doesn't really get to the point of the story. what happened to the other men isnt really relevant.

@sarac the thesis is too general. try specifying it 9unless this is your old thesis, than just ignore this).

the theme of 'the Interlopers' (reconciling useless arguments before it's too late) helps open the eyes of readers to international conflict

@kaileek It would be better if you could relate the thesis to the story

@christines good word choice..but it's kind of awkward to read.

@MarisaW It's not really an argument, nor is the thesis very eloquent. You could try using different words. Also, the thesis is too broad.

@samp It's not really an argument...

@SavannaH do you have proof of this? If you don't, we can't count it as an argument, and it doesn't make a good thesis

@darianm this isnt a bad thesis, but it doesn't flow very well, making it awkward to read. Try re-wording it.

the theme of 'the Interlopers' is that humanity must reconcile it's petty differences before it is too late.

the Man in the Iron Mask